|Peter Marshall: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
|Charley Weaver had the distinction of being the only one of the show's permanent regulars...to be, in fact a character. He was played by Cliff Arquette, the unlikely patriarch of an acting family. (He's the father of Lewis and--believe it or not--grandfather of Rosanna, Patricia and David.) But this was a character that linked the Squares to television's earliest days. Arquette played his Charley Weaver character as a regular on The Dennis Day Show, The Tonight Show (during the Jack Paar years), and the 1962 incarnation of The Roy Rogers/Dale Evans Show. He also popped up in that character in guest shots on shows ranging from Dragnet to The Andy Williams Show. If the Squares were a party, Charley would be the grandfather your parents left to watch after you...then when they left, he might get a couple of drinks in him and tell you every dirty joke he's ever heard.
Arquette was born in Toledo, Ohio in December 1905, but it's the town of Mount Ida, Arkansas that owes its place in American culture to him. That's because his Weaver character developed as a man who was always reading letters from his "Mount Idy Mama." Arquette later said he was inspired by a friend of his mother, who wrote letters from Mount Idy which were read to the whole family. So he often read those in character to Jack Paar or Dennis Day. Arquette also appeared in numerous old-time radio programs, including Fibber McGee & Molly, Lum and Abner and Point Sublime, a 1946 small-town comedy that co-starred Mel Blanc. As "Charley Weaver," Arquette starred in Dave and Charley (1952) as well as a 1955 NBC summer show called Do It Yourself, a combination comedy/how to program that looks like an early forerunner to the fictitious "Tool Time with Tim Taylor" on Home Improvement.
During his later years Arquette, a Civil War buff, owned a Civil War museum in Gettysburg. He also lent his character's name and face to endorsements of garden tools and charcoal briquettes.
Weaver/Arquette was on The Hollywood Squares when it debuted on NBC in October 1966. Except for a nine-month leave of absence in 1973, he stayed on the show until his death in September 1974.
But they haven't entirely forgotten him in Mount Ida, where they still hold a yearly celebration that, until 2000, was called"Charley Weaver Day."
|Peter Marshall: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!
Peter Marshall: According to a recent article in the Miami Herald, at age 78, is Groucho Marx still interested in sex?
Charley Weaver: Yes, but he's forgotten the secret word.
Peter Marshall: Charley, an 87-year-old doctor named Quick invented something that's named for him. What is it?
Charley Weaver: 87 years old? I'd say the quickie!
Peter Marshall: Charley, true or false: every time you sneeze, your heart stops.
Charley Weaver: Out to the home, there's a few people that, whenever they sneeze, their hearts stop!
Peter Marshall: According to Billy Graham, can you get anything you've always wanted in Heaven, if you didn't get it on Earth?
Charley Weaver: Yes, but there's an extra charge for the whitewalls.
Peter Marshall: Is there a weight limit for bags on airline flights in this country?
Charley Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she can fly.
Peter Marshall: According to Today's Health, what do most dentists say you should do with your dentures before going to bed?
Charley Weaver: Out to the home, we throw them all into the center of the room and have a swap party...
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!
Peter Marshall: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
Charley Weaver: A divorcee.
|Peter Marshall: Charles, how many balls would you expect to find on a billiard table?
Charley Weaver: How many guys are playing? (Weaver and audience laughing) Now you're doing it, that's more like it.
Peter Marshall: What famous story begins with the discovery of magic beans?
Charley Weaver: Inherit the Wind.
Peter Marshall: True or false -- when the swallows return to Capistrano, they are probably coming from Argentina.
Charley Weaver: That's true, and not only did they ruin my car, they blew up my trailer!
Peter Marshall: Does Pat Nixon think her husband is fun?
Charley Weaver: Yes, she says he's full of it.
Peter Marshall: Do rosey cheeks always mean good health?
Charley Weaver: Not if you're sitting on a radiator!
Peter Marshall: In a recent TV Guide interview, Paul Lynde said that he has been cursed with something all his life. What?
Charley Weaver: Four letter words! (correct answer: shyness)
Peter Marshall: Was there anything going on between Christopher Columbus and Queen Isabella?
Charley Weaver: Yes, and Columbus later found out that the world was round and she was flat!
Peter Marshall: Shakespeare wrote 154 of them. What are they?
Charley Weaver: Checks to Rose Marie for services rendered.
Peter Marshall: What makes water hard?
Charley Weaver: Winter.
Peter Marshall: You are a senior citizen and during the night while you are asleep, your heart beats 50 times per minute. Is there something wrong with you?
Charley Weaver: Well, let's put it this way. Could you ask me Friday's questions today?
Peter Marshall: True or false -- rumors circulate in business offices more than any place else.
Charley Weaver: That's false, Peter, and we're certainly going to miss you around here!
Peter Marshall: True or false -- drinking can make you hard of hearing.
Charley Weaver: What?
Peter Marshall: Is it possible for you to make a dog laugh?
Charley Weaver: Well, I tried to housebreak a dog once and he just laughed and laughed.
Peter Marshall: When you go shopping, is there any difference between irregulars and seconds?
Charley Weaver: Out at the home, when I have seconds I get irregular.
Peter Marshall: True or false -- as you get older, your skin becomes more transparent.
Charley Weaver: Out at the home in the x-ray room, they just hold us up to a light bulb.
Peter Marshall: True or false -- Lawrence Welk has a fourth grade education.
Charley Weaver: That's why he says, "And a one and a two..."
(at the end of a show, when Peter Marshall is plugging various appearances by the other stars)
Charley Weaver: ...And I will be appearing in Wasserman, Ohio, with my trained pet hamster!
Peter Marshall: Every night before he went to bed, George Washington would always put his false teeth into something. What?
Charley Weaver: Martha!
Peter Marshall: According to the nursery rhyme, "There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children she didn't know what to do". What did she give her children to eat?
Charley Weaver: She lived in a shoe? Filet of sole!
Peter Marshall: Tommy Smothers and President George Washington share a common outstanding physical trait that's very noticeable and unique. What is it?
Charley Weaver: They both have wooden teeth.
Peter Marshall: In the movie "Camelot", Sir Lancelot is called on to perform a miracle. What is the miracle?
Charley Weaver: The miracle is to make the movie a hit.
Peter Marshall: Arthur Hailey had a very successful movie and novel called "Hotel". He has a new best seller about another stopover point. What is it called?
Charley Weaver: Service Station.
Peter Marshall: Which is higher, a vice admiral or a rear admiral?
Charley Weaver: That depends on who drinks the most.
Peter Marshall: Who said, "Richard Nixon was the most difficult man I ever had
Charlie Weaver: Earl Scheib.
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