The Storybook Squares

the 1969 Storybook set

Abby Dalton as Little Miss Muffet

Guardian of the Gate (Kenny Williams): Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye!  Today, two young contestants will compete for valuable prizes on, The Storybook Squares!

The Hollywood Squares took a child's game and turned it into an adult, risque, politically-incorrect laughfest.  So perhaps to make up for it, the producers and NBC took that show and made it into a kid's game again.  The Storybook Squares premiered on NBC's Saturday morning lineup on January 4, 1969. Some say it came about because NBC and the other networks promised Congress they'd crack down on violence in Saturday morning cartoons and air more educational shows (the networks did, indeed, do that about that time).  Storybook aired opposite Shazzan! on CBS and George of the Jungle on ABC, some stiff competition that would help explain the extravagant game's short life.

Each show opened with an introduction by the walrus-mustached "Guardian of the Gate" (announcer Kenny Williams, actually appearing on camera), and when Peter Marshall took the stage, they opened what appeared to be the cover of a giant storybook.  This is where the stars made their entrance, in full costume, to the show's own special theme (separate from "The Silly Song," which the regular Squares used at the time).

The Hollywood Squares set was heavily redecorated into a storybook wonderland, with two children sitting in the contestant seats.  The amount screens remained blank; the winner of each round won a prize, like a small RCA color TV or even a small sailboat.  If the show ran out of time during the last game, the contestant with the most x's or o's on the board won the game.  If it ended in a tie, both contestants won a prize. There were often two secret square games in a show.

In the one 1969 episode on the trading circuit, the stars clearly enjoy themselves. That includes Stu Gilliam as Merlin the Magician (above left) and Squares regular Wally Cox as Paul Revere (center). Maybe it's the chance to ham it up a bit, maybe it's the exhiliarating audience of screaming children, but for whatever reason they all seem to be happy.  In that one episode, Nanette Fabray especially hams it up as The Old Woman in the Shoe, even trying to get Charley Weaver to go steady with her so she can have a man around the house (above right).

Celebrities didn't always dress as storybook characters, sometimes they were historical figures like King Henry VIII (played by Soupy Sales, above left).  Or they might even reprise characters they  played on television like Carolyn Jones as Morticia Addams (center) or Arte Johnson as the "Very interesting!" soldier from Laugh-In (right). In the course of compiling the Storybook Squares guest list, I found out the following interesting facts: *The age range for the contestants was 8 to 15. *The listings never list who dressed as which character. *The show had exactly 16 first run shows.  It was never pre-empted and had 19 reruns. *There were four lineups that repeat over and over before the show went into reruns.  That indicates the same lineup of stars appeared in several shows each, which in turn hints that the show was rushed into production. *Paul Lynde never appeared, at least not on the 1969 version.  Rose Marie only appears in one of the four lineups.  The only ones who appear in all four were Charley Weaver, Wally Cox, and Paul Winchell.

Even after the series' cancellation in August 1969, The Storybook Squares was never forgotten.  It was brought back several times over the years as a theme week during the NBC weekday version (there were a couple of nighttime outings with this format too).  The 1970s version was played under slightly different rules and with an even more elaborate set.  But the stars, including Valerie Bertinelli as Little Miss Muffet (above right), still did their pre-show walk-on in full costume.  This time the game was played with families.  Peter Marshall says in the show's intro it was in response to "many cards and letters," but also likely to compete with ABC's Family Feud.   This time the children played for awhile, with the boy being player X and the girl being player O.  After the second commercial break, they were replaced by parents (boy's father is now X, girl's mother is now O).  As time runs out, both parent and children occupy each seat.  Each game is played for money, and the family who wins the most by the end of the show wins a car (like a Chevette).  Each game was self-inclusive with a different family playing each day.

There were more one-lined zingers in the 1970s version, but as always the emphasis was on the stars, their costumes, the extra props, and sight gags.  The stars included (l-r) Paul Lynde as Attilla the Hun, Karen Valentine as a memorable Mona Lisa, and Vincent Price as an inspired Captain Hook. Lynde also played  Frankenstein's monster and the Wicked Witch too and William Shatner made a rare non-Star Trek appearance as Captain Kirk. And the zingers were designed this time for more of a family audience, though Lynde and Milton Berle managed to get some more risque ones in under the radar.    The Storybook Squares last aired in a rerun on GSN in October 2002, as part of a "Hollywood Scares" marathon full of Halloween-related shows, hosted by Elvira.  This particular show apparently came from a week that aired in December 1977 as part of the daytime version, the only NBC daytime ep to ever air on GSN.  It featured, among other costumed celebrities, Paul Lynde as Frankenstein's monster.

Paul Winchell (as Romeo): To be, or not to be! Tessie Mahoney (his dummy, as Juliet): Ick! Nanette Fabray (as the Old Lady in the Shoe): Listen, Charley, I need someone to come with me and hel p me with those kids.  You want to go steady for awhile? Charley Weaver (disgustedly): Go ask the nice old man!  Peter Marshall: If I called you birdbrain... Old Lady: That's me, that's me, birdbrain, for having all those stupid children! Peter Marshall: ...that would mean that I thought you had a little, tiny brain.  Does a bird have a little brain in proportion with the bird's size? Old Lady: Oh, I think birds are very smart!  They just have a few little birds and little chicks and then they kick 'em out, and then they go home and they go away! Peter Marshall:  Oh, you've got your curds, and your whey! Valerie Bertinelli (as Little Miss Muffet):  I have my curds but I seem to have lost my whey! Peter Marshall: Queen Elizabeth the first belonged to the house of Tudor.  Queen Elizabeth the second belongs to the house of, what? Paul Lynde (as Attilla the Hun): Oh, Pancakes! Vincent Price (as Captain Hook, brandishing hook): I had to stop picking my nose! Paul Lynde (singing, as the Wicked Witch): I feel pretty, and witty, and gaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! (sound effect: mirror breaking)  (sound effect: cow mooing) Peter Marshall: What was that? Rich Little (as Noah): I'd rather not discuss it! Peter Marshall: Noah, does the Bible say how big the Ark was? Yes or no... Little (as Noah, but now in Johnny Carson's voice): It was so big... Marshall: How big was it? Little (still as Carson) Are you ready for this?  It was, it was so big, Nixon could almost hide all his tapes! Peter Marshall:  In Irish Folklore, what do you call that mischievous old imp that has lots of money and looks like an old man: Paul Lynde (as Attilla the Hun): Arte Johnson! (sound effect: loud noises of men yelling) Peter Marshall: What was that? Paul Lynde (as Attilla the Hun): You can just call me Hun! Peter Marshall: Say Hun, you are in the woods with a friend when he cuts himself.  According to the Survival Handbook, immediately remove clothing from the wound, apply a sterile cloth and then quickly do what? Lynde: Bleed! Peter Marshall: What do bears do for five months a year that makes them different from other animals? Paul Lynde (as Frankenstein's monster): They live on a diet of honey...and hikers! Peter Marshall: Is there anything people can hang over their doors to keep vampires away? Paul Lynde (as Frankenstein's monster): Kareem Abdul-Jabaar's basketball shoes!

A Partial Who's Who: Marty Allen--Humpty Dumpty, Theodore Roosevelt,  Tarzan, King David, Chicken Little Jim Backus--Mr. Magoo, Thurston Howell III Milton Berle--Old Mother Hubbard Valerie Bertinelli--Little Miss Muffett, Bride of Frankenstein Mel Brooks--Sigmund Freud, Mel Funn Gary Burghoff--David John Byner--Long John Silver, Ben Franklin, The Mad Hatter, Napoleon, Mad Monk Rasputin Judy Carne--Goldilocks Ted Cassidy--Lurch; Tarzan Charo--Queen Isabella, a mermaid, Lady Godiva, Tarzan's Jane, Rapunzel Wally Cox--Paul Revere, Davy Crockett Abby Dalton--Little Miss Muffett, the Wicked Witch Phyllis Diller--Snow White, Helen of Troy, the Wicked Queen Sandy Duncan--Mrs. Satan Barbara Eden--Jeannie Ron Ely--Tarzan Nanette Fabray--Annie Oakley, Scarlett O'Hara, Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe Bonnie Franklin--Goldilocks, Peter Pan Stu Gilliam--Merlin the Magician George Gobel--Little Boy Blue, King Henry VIII Pat Harrington--Old King Cole, Leonardo Da Vinci Bill and Susan Seaforth Hayes--Adam & Eve, Prince Charming & Sleeping Beauty, Romeo & Juliet, Caesar & Cleopatra Florence Henderson--Mrs. Santa Claus, Belle Starr Arte Johnson--"Very interesting!" soldier from Laugh-In; "Nice Old Man" from Laugh-In; Beethoven; Abe Lincoln Carolyn Jones--Morticia Addams Steve Landesberg--King Solomon Michael Landon--Little Joe Cartwright, Charles Ingalls Rich Little--Noah Paul Lynde--the Wicked Queen, Frankenstein's Monster, the Big Bad Wolf, Paul Bunyan, Attila the Hun, Georgie Porgie, Davy Crockett, Son of the Musketeers, Narcissus Rose Marie--Little Bo Peep Roddy McDowall--Pinnochio, Sherlock Holmes Julie McWhirter--Dorothy from "The Wizard of Oz" Denise Nicholas--Queen Tut Vincent Price--Captain Hook Joan Rivers--Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe, Little Red Riding Hood Roy Rogers--himself (as his persona from the old movies) Soupy Sales--William Tell, David, Henry VIII, Thomas Edison Isabel Sanford--Little Bo Peep, Mother Goose Doc Severinsen--the Pied Piper, the Angel Gabriel William Shatner--Captain James T. Kirk Elke Sommer--Queen Gueniviere, Queen of Hearts Connie Stevens--Salome, the Queen of Tarts Rip Taylor--General Custer, Betsy Ross, Rip Van Winkle, Samson Leslie Uggams--Pandora, Snow White Karen Valentine--Mary Mary Quite Contrary, Cleopatra, Mona Lisa Wayland & Madame--King Arthur & Queen Gueniviere Anson Williams--Simple Simon Kenny Williams--the guardian of the gate Paul Williams--Wild Bill Hickock Paul Winchell & Tessy Mahoney--Romeo & Juliet; Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson Jo Ann Worley--Pocahantas, Martha Washington, Chicken Little ...plus Big Bird, Oscar...and Charley Weaver

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