|Peter Marshall: Why are German measles called, German measles?
Mel Brooks: Because late at night, when you're asleep, they march!
What do Gene Hackman, George C. Scott, Burt Reynolds and Mel Brooks have in common? They were all large box office draws in the 1970s...and they were all Squares, also during that same time period. The non-regular squares made up quite possibly one of the most star-studded lineups in game show history. (It had the biggest in numbers perhaps; What's My Line? quite possibly had the biggest in names, including Lucille Ball, Woody Allen, John Wayne and three future U.S. Presidents. But that counts mystery guests.).
Television legends from Milton Berle to Raymond Burr to Elizabeth Montgomery often showed up to promote their latest projects, and admittedly, some showed up because they didn't have any latest projects. For instance, Bill Bixby says the show kept him financially afloat during the three years (1966-69) between the cancellation of My Favorite Martian and the premiere of The Courtship of Eddie's Father. Musicians from Eartha Kitt to Alice Cooper occupied squares as well, as did athletes, and even up and coming comedians like Steve Martin, Billy Crystal and two future late night giants, Jay Leno and David Letterman.
It is unfair to characterize the celebrities as "nobodies" or "has-beens," as critics often do. Even though Merrill Heatter himself once said it was easier to get stars "on their way up" (Martin, Letterman) or "on their way down" (Gloria Swanson, Arthur Godfrey, and some would even argue almost any of the full-time regulars), there were plenty of major stars who appeared at the height of their careers. Redd Foxx, Demond Wilson, Freddie Prinze, McLean Stevenson, and Adam West appeared while their shows were burning up the prime time Neilsens. When Dallas began roaring up the prime time charts, much of the cast (including Larry Hagman and Patrick Duffy) appeared on a special week in 1979. From the movie world, Walter Matthau, Burt Reynolds and Mel Brooks were among those who appeared while they were still top box office draws. Gene Hackman actually occupied a square while "The French Connection" was in theaters. And while George C. Scott refused to show up to pick up his Oscar, he did show up to occupy a square, along with his wife, Trish Van Devere.
FREQUENT GUESTS (between 10 and 30 appearances on the NBC daytime version):
Ed Asner, Valerie Bertinelli, Ernest Borgnine, David Brenner, James Brolin, Gary Burghoff, John Byner, Charlie Callas, Jack Carter, Jack Cassidy, Richard Crenna, Phyllis Diller, Totie Fields, Glenn Ford, both Gabor sisters, Bill & Susan Seaforth Hayes, Shirley Jones, Gabe Kaplan, Gypsy Rose Lee, Michele Lee, Ruta Lee, all four Lennon sisters, Hal Linden, Kent McCord, Anthony Newley, Suzanne Pleshette, Tom Poston, Della Reese, Mickey Rooney, Soupy Sales, Isabel Sanford, Doc Severinsen, Elke Sommer, Carroll Spinney (Big Bird/Oscar), Lily Tomlin, Dick Van Patten, Marcia Wallace, Dennis Weaver, Anson Williams, Paul Williams, Demond Wilson, Jo Anne Worley.
(loud horn sounds to signify time running out on the nighttime show)
Peter Marshall: Let me explain what that means...
Big Bird: Don't look at me!
Peter Marshall: You're in an airplane and you've developed engine trouble. What do you traditionally say over the radio?
Buddy Hackett: "What the (bleep) am I doing here?"
Peter Marshall: Will a lightning rod work if it's bent?
Dom Deluise: My lightning rod wouldn't work...I'm going to have my doctor check my bent rod!
Peter Marshall: My buddy, the star of Sanford & Son, right here on NBC...Redd, of the stolen cars in this country, are many of them ever recovered?
Redd Foxx: Why sure, I had one recovered in zebra once...
Peter Marshall: ...star of the new show here on NBC called, Chico and the Man. Freddie, is it possible to teach a pig to bow?
Freddie Prinze (signature line): It's not my job...
Peter Marshall: Eddie, according to the Institute of Motivational Research, a wife should be beware if another woman takes an interest in a certain item of her husband's clothing. What item?
Ed Asner: Well, shorts immediately springs to my mind...
Peter Marshall: According to Elizabeth Post, does she think it's a good idea to send out divorce invitations?
Sonny Bono: I forgot to ask!
|Peter Marshall: This would be for 500 dollars and a tie game. According to Science Digest magazine, are chances good that beings from outer space would look pretty much like human beings do?
Jonathan Winters: I saw a guy out the other day, in front of, out on Wilshire Boulevard, his suit looked okay but his glass head looked--
(end of show horn sounds)
Jonathan Winters: ...and that's what he said.
Peter Marshall: According to Zsa Zsa, does black look sexy on a woman?
Redd Foxx: I wouldn't have it any other way...
Marshall: Now cut that out!!
Peter Marshall: You are standing among the oldest living things on Earth. Where are you?
Totie Fields: Miami Beach. (laughter) That's true they have wheelchair races there.
Peter: Can you get milk and butter from a camel?
Joey Bishop: You have to have a high stool.
Peter Marshall: According to the nursery rhyme "Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater had a wife and couldn't keep her". Where did he finally put her?
Steve Rossi: I think in a sanitarium.
Peter Marshall: Johnny Carson's ex-wife Joanne will get $100,000 a year, so long as she doesn't do one thing. What Is the one thing?
Totie Fields: Cash the alimony check.
Peter Marshall: True or false, Pat Boone recently admitted to Johnny Carson that milk upsets his stomach?
Joey Bishop: Pat Boone hasn't admitted anything to anybody in the last 30 years.
(at a time when Burt Reynolds had a December-May thing going with Dinah Shore)
Peter Marshall: Alice in Alice In Wonderland had something named Dinah. What?
Burt Reynolds: She goes back that far, huh?
Peter Marshall (laughs): YOU SAID IT!! You said it, and I'm gonna tell!
Burt Reynolds: Just kidding, Honey!
Peter Marshall: As we grow older, do we use more profanity or less?
Jonathan Winters (as Maudie Frickett): Well, I don't know, I was pretty foul when I was younger, but that was up in the attic.
Peter Marshall: Don, true or false: there's now a club in California that will allow you to sign up for obscene phone calls.
Rose Marie: Peter, get us that number!
Don Knotts: Well...you found us out!
Peter Marshall: Don, you're having trouble sleeping at night. Are you more likely a man or a woman?
Don Knotts: That's what's keeping me awake!
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Peter Marshall: True or false...manufacturers of ladies' foundation garments are saying that women's waists are expanding much faster than their busts or hips.
Carol Channing: How frightening. They're gonna be bigger than...they're all gonna be egg-shaped.
Big Bird (quietly): I like eggs.
| The Classic Hollywood Squares Site